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Tuesday, December 20, 2016

A Requested Post

Hey Everyone,

I was posed the question a couple of times in fact about how I got Bob down to just 3-4 spankings a year in such a short period of time. Well to me it wasn't that short of a period as it did take take almost 3 years to accomplish this. But I've been told by some of my readers that they have been practicing this for longer than that and even ten years or more without arriving at these kind of results. So this got me to thinking what was so different about our situation than anyone else's. And to be honest I couldn't really point to anything that turned on a light in my head that said that's it.

So rather than try and think of one thing or more that could be the reason all I can do is write about what helped us get to this point. Do I think I'm a better spanker than anyone else? The answer would be absolutely not. I'm sure some women can spank harder than me and some not as hard. So bottom line is I don't think intensity has that much to do with it. Mainly because if you don't think your being effective my suggestion would be to try different implements. For example if your using your hand then a paddle would bring a lot more discomfort. The one thing I can't stress enough though is whatever you choose to use, get to know it as well as how much is enough and how much is to much, The object is inflict pain in the backside not to do any real and lasting damage. The ultimate goal is to get them to a point in the spanking that they are truly remorseful that they got themselves into that situation. For some that may come quicker than others. And even the same person different spankings can vary in achieving these results. Lots of factors there.

But the first thing we did was to sit down and talk to one another about what was needed and what was expected. Not just once either, we still communicate years later as that is the key to success. Once I'd decided I would do this for him I had some questions. First and foremost was how could something he found sexually exciting be a punishment. I mean you don't punish someone by rewarding them at least that's how I think. His answer was it is the thought of spanking that he finds exciting and that he didn't think the actual spanking would be something he enjoyed. Well I could certainly relate to a spanking not being enjoyable as that had always been my experience growing up. It was certainly nothing I tried to get or looked forward to. Knowing a little about his experiences already I knew he'd never been spanked growing up so he really had no clue what it was like. So I explained how it would be and that it wouldn't be something he enjoyed or in my mind I din't think so. I also told him that if I was to do this then whatever I say goes. I told him I would be the one to decide when he's learned his lesson and that he would have no say in how long or how hard of a spanking he got.Nor would he have any say in whether or not he deserved a spanking. I said so basically your giving up total control to me when it comes to discipline. He said he understood but I really didn't think he did with no past experience to compare it to. And I was right but he did figure out eventually real spankings hurt.

Next we discussed what it was he was really looking for in having me spank him. I asked if he was looking for role play for fantasy or acting out scenes. I said if that's the case we can do that and you can have a safe word when you've had enough. I said or are you looking for real accountability to correct behavior which is how I viewed spankings. He said since that's what he didn't get growing up that that is what he wanted to experience to help him with guilt and other areas that needed improvement. I'll get into those in a little bit but for now upon him telling me this I asked him if he was absolutely sure about this. He said he was and I again told him to think long and hard because if that's what he wants I'd give it to him but they would be real and painful. He asked if maybe he could have both real spankings when needed but also play spankings to where we act something out from time to time. I told him absolutely not it's one or the other. I explained my reasoning behind this and it's really pretty simple. I felt and still do feel that doing both would cause to much confusion. In other words if he did something that upset me enough to where I felt like he needed a spanking I didn't want him wondering if I was serious. I didn't want any question on his part of whether I was just acting out a scene for him or am I really upset. So as you know by my blog real spankings were the final decision. I still remember the first spanking I gave him was for procrastinating about cutting down a dead tree. I'd been asking him to do it for over a year and it still hadn't gotten done. It wasn't a big tree so it wasn't that big of a job but he just kept putting it off for whatever reason. Once we'd discussed spanking in our relationship I told him that next day he needed to get it done. A week went by and it still wasn't done so I told him it was time for his first lesson from me. I got a paddle one we already had and informed him I was tired of asking him to remove the tree. I told him to drop his pants and underwear and bend over the couch. He dropped his pants and underwear and his penis was standing at full attention as he bent over. I was determined not to make this exciting for him so I laid into his bare butt pretty good with that paddle all in the lower part of his bottom. The first swat he stood up and grabbed his butt and started rubbing and saying he'd go cut down the tree. I told him he would as soon as we were done. I said you wanted to experience discipline so he was going to experience it first for procrastinating. I ended up giving him about 15-20 solid smacks with that paddle to his bare butt and he was begging and pleading the whole time. I told him I'd warned him that real discipline hurts. I said so if you want to change your mind now about this then now is the time because this is what it will be like. He said it wasn't fun and nothing like his fantasies but still felt it would do him good. On a side note when I finished the erection was gone and he went out and had the tree removed in under an hour. It was about a week after this that I found out about him going and seeing his high school friend Dee behind my back.

So that's how it began but the first few months I noticed it seemed like he was doing things just to try and get me to spank him. So I thought well maybe I need to spank him harder or longer but even doing that got the same results. The only difference was he would go a little longer before acting up again but I still wasn't seeing any real change. Again making me wonder about that first question I posed about something he enjoyed being punishment. I mean by his reactions I could tell he certainly wasn't enjoying the spanking. So we talked some more again I can't stress enough the importance of constantly communicating. His answer was he certainly didn't enjoy a spanking and that I was a really good spanker. It's just that it being sexually exciting to him was pretty deep rooted in his mind. So while he hated the spanking while it was happening within a few days the thought of it started getting him excited. And yes he admitted he was intentionally doing things at that point to earn one as much as he hated the actual spanking. Or another way he put it is within a few days he would start thinking with the wrong head. So I knew I needed to come up with a solution to this problem if I was really going to help him make positive changes in his life. I needed to find a way to deal with and satisfy those sexual desires as well if I wanted a real spanking to be effective. We discussed this and he suggested that we could role play when he started getting those thoughts. Again I said no because of the reasons I stated already. But at the same time I thought he might be onto something minus the role play. So I came up with the spanking he ask for and even wrote a post about it by the same title. I won't go into detail as you can read about it in the post. But simply anytime he gets an urge to be spanked all he has to do is merely ask me for one. And I promised him and I'm proud to say I have always  given him one. The big difference between this spanking and a real spanking is that he's in control the whole time. If he has a fantasy he wants to live out other than just in his mind this is his opportunity to do so. I don't want to know what the fantasy is so he does have to keep that to himself. But I'll give him exactly what he ask for as far as a spanking goes. So in a way it's role play but just for him I'm simply providing a spanking. And for my benefit these always lead to other things if you know what I mean. So in the end we're both satisfied.

Again he has to ask for these I don't just give him playful spankings randomly. That way if I tell him he's getting a spanking it can only mean one thing and that is he screwed up and is in real trouble. Upon doing this I saw a instant decrease in the number of spankings I was having to give him as well as real change starting to happen in his behavior. So that was what I'd been missing the first few months. Simple solution but not something I would have thought of on my own. It only came about by discussing things and communicating with one another. So with that problem solved it was time to move on to really helping him make those improvements that we both feel he needed to work on.

Again this is something we discussed in detail on what we both felt was and was not appropriate behavior. The big things for him were his temper, procrastination and being respectful to not only me but others as well. Most times the respect and temper were closely tied together as he would say something rude to me or someone out of anger. Not always though as I feel it's disrespectful to me for him to gawk at another woman. I'm not simply talking about noticing a pretty lady as that's a natural human reaction we all do that. But when he all out stares almost like undressing her with his eyes or turns around to see her backside after she passes by is what I'm talking about when I say gawking.

So these were the main areas we worked on with a few minor infractions as well but usually related to what I like to call the big three which I mentioned above. Now I realize reading my blog or any blog for that matter it can be a little confusing. By that I just mean it's easy to get the idea that this is like a full time thing for us. For some it may be and that's fine but for us nothing could be further from the truth. I married Bob because I wanted a husband and certainly not a kid to have to raise the rest of my life. And he is just that (A Husband) 100% of the time. He has opinions on things that I respect and plays the role of a husband in everyday life. He is respectful and kind and loving most of the time and a lot more so now than he used to be. Bottom line is you wouldn't be able to tell us from any other couple you'd meet. I say this because the whole FLR (female led relationship) covers such a broad spectrum that it's not fair to categorize every relationship into this one basket. As I said for some it may mean the wife has all the say in a relationship and the husband just does what she wants. And as I said if that's what someone wants and it works for them I think that's great. But for us we consider ourselves equals as husband and wife and probably what describes us closer would be DD or (domestic discipline). In these cases it's female led in the sense that I'm the one doing the punishing and he takes whatever I decide he needs. But this is what he asked for from me and I gave him ample warnings that it would not be anything fun or enjoyable. But again it's such a small percentage of our life.

I don't consider myself superior to him anymore than he considers himself submissive to me. I personally wouldn't want to be a dominant wife and I'm sure he doesn't want to be a full time submissive husband. So the only time we take on those roles is if he's done something in one of the areas I've mentioned above I move in to correct that behavior. And I do that through discipline and I take the dominant role and he takes the submissive role. But once the spanking or punishment is over we hug and kiss and move on as equals again. With the knowledge though that he knows that type of behavior will get me upset and him into trouble. So he learns from these experiences that it's best he avoid those things if at all possible.

So with that said I would like to say I'm certainly in no way looking for reasons to give him a spanking. I've heard some pretty petty reasons from some comments and emails that I would never dream of punishing him for. Things like forgetting to take out the trash or not folding the laundry properly or accidentally spilling something. To me that's pretty petty stuff to deserve a real disciplinary spanking for, especially to a grown man. Again I'm not knocking or putting down anyone that wants to do those things I'm just saying that's not us. And even the more serious offenses these days stuff that would get him spanked like losing his temper I can usually diffuse that before it gets out of control. For example if I see him starting to get mad or frustrated all I have to do is tell him he better take things down a notch or he knows what's going to happen. Most of the time that alone is enough to make him stop and think and continue on in a more rational manner. This can even be done in public without embarrassment or humiliation simply by whispering something like that in his ear. Or simply by givng him a look that tells him he's pushing the boundries.

So that's the real reason he gets so few spankings now is I'm usually able to diffuse a situation before it gets carried to far. And it works in all the areas I mentioned for instance if he's procrastinating about doing something he needs to get done. I'll tell him you need to get that done by whenever or there's going to be consequences. And guess what it usually gets done by whenever I told him it needed done by.

So that puts us back at square one about how did I get him to the point of just the threat of him getting punished is enough to correct his behavior most of the time. As I mentioned early on in the post I think the big key factor was in me finding a way to separate the sexuality of a spanking from a real disciplinary spanking in his mind. Again I did this with the two very different kind of spankings. The ones he ask for and the ones I decide he needs. Once that was established it was just a learning process for him that real punishment hurts and is embarrassing and is something he wants to try and avoid. So by learning that they continued to become less and less frequent. But here's the deal and I can't stress this enough and that is you have to be very consistent all the time so you don't send mixed signals. In other words "do what you say and say what you mean". Once you've discussed and decided what your trying to accomplish and made clear what will get him punished carry it out without exception. Don't get upset and threaten to spank him and then not carry through with it. They will test you especially in the beginning so you have to be consistent. If he breaks a rule you punish him every time no exceptions. If they do it again a few weeks or even a month later you punish them again only a little more harshly. For example the first time I spanked Bob for losing his temper I think I used a hairbrush. The next time we had to deal with the same thing I stepped it up to a strap. But again the bottom line is don't let them slide unless there's a pretty good reason for their behavior which usually is not the case. Most men like Bob that want to be spanked find it exciting in some form. Like I said he told me for him the thought of a spanking is what excites him not the actual spanking itself. So once he realizes he's gone over that threshold with me and is going to be punished he can come up with a million reasons why he did what he did. This is because once he realizes he's going to get a punishment spanking he dreads it and doesn't want it to happen. But once I've decided it's going to happen it's definitely going to happen. If we're out shopping or something and he crosses the line into improper behavior, I discretely inform him he's crossed the line and we'll deal with it as soon as we get home. There's no doubt in his mind that I'm serious when I inform him of that. He knows we're not going to get home and I will have forgotten about it. If I told him he was going to be punished then he's getting punished. So that's how you get them to a point of just a simple verbal warning or even just a stern look usually stops the behavior because they know your serious.

Hopefully this was helpful as I'm no expert by any means. Everyone needs to find what works best for them and their situation. But to summarize first you need to figure out what your trying to accomplish. And then be consistant with what you decide. And never stop communicating.

I would also like to gladly announce that M has informed me she would like to write a post on here to kind of explain her thoughts and feelings about her role in punishing Bob as well as me. So please when she does so be kind to her in your comments. In fact I may write a post myself sometime in the future about how involving other women in Bob's punishment came to fruition. As this certainly wasn't my intentions when we started this lifestyle.

Also I finally got another profile picture up on my blog and yes it's really me. I'm not going to show my face for obvious reasons but I felt it was time to give at least some identity to the woman behind the blog. LOL
All the other pictures I used to have on my blog got wiped out awhile back when my site crashed for some reason. I'm not going to try and go back and look for pictures on the web that fit my post as I simply don't have time. I'm just telling you this in case anyone was wondering what happen to all my old pictures. That was the reason and it wasn't me that removed them.

Dianne

62 comments:

  1. Hey Dianne,

    Nice article learned a lot from this I too find the thought of receiving a spanking fun, but not so much the actual spanking but since I asked for it in the first place for the simple reason of I believe I need to be reminded of my short comings in not trying as hard as I can at something being lazy to the point where it has a negative effect on something or my own defensive argumentive temper and it reminds me exactly of you and bob. I am still new to all this and being able to see how you two progressed over time and more importantly you explained that you stick to your guns and I find that very helpful to see how you where able to progress and change and continue to define situations and the emotions between sexual and fantasies and the punishment that bob asked for I like that a lot, thank you for sharing gives me a lot of very helpful information.
    I know you said M will write something soon could you give alittle more about that in just curiouse about receiving corrective punishment from someone different than the original person that was asked to administer it does that ever bring any areas of conflict of sexual fantasies or actual corrective punishment that you deem necessary how does a third party get to dictate what the corrective punishment and behavior modification should be?

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    1. Dear Dianne
      I have not commented before but your discussion of separating the sexuality of a spanking from a real disciplinary spanking really connected with my experience. My husband also asked for discipline and growing up in a spanking household I knew exactly what he needed.I have honestly believed a long time that most men could use a serious spanking once in a while and I was and still am happy to spank him when he earns it. But my method for separating the sexuality from the spanking is different than yours. After I saw those first several pre-spanking erections I realized his fantasies were confusing him about what was " fun" and what was discipline.I solved that by sending him into the bathroom to relieve himself before every spanking. That ended the sexual fantasies pretty quickly as well as the erections. He still manages to get in trouble every couple of months but he knows now what is going to happen and its made it more about reality than fantasy with him. Your account of how you dealt with the sexuality ( fantasy) problem makes me think I was too tough on him but honestly I never thought of giving him fun spankings as well as punishment. More power to you for making it work but wives looking for a quick fix might try sending them to the bathroom before spanking them
      Susan
      PS - Thanks for a great blog. I have learned from reading it and will try to comment more.

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    2. To respond to the first comment I'm glad you found this information helpful. Now as far as a third party being involved there has never been nor should there ever be any sexual conflict. Their purpose is to administer the punishments nothing more. All sexual spankings are done by me when he ask me for one. And really they don't dictate any punishments without my approval or consent. This happened both times with M. The one exception to that would be my sister Amy but she does live with us and is well aware of when Bob should need a spanking if I'm not around. And she's also well aware of how I would handle things. So I would fully trust her to make that call without my approval. Although she would let me know if it happened. I'm sure M will explain her feelings in more detail when she writes a post.
      Dianne

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    3. Susan,

      Thanks for commenting and giving your input as the more input we all give I think we help each other. I've actually tried your method on a few occasions and it can be very effective especially in increasing the pain intensity of the spankings if you remove the sexual tension. I just felt for our situation this wasn't a long term solution is why I came up with the method I use. Not saying ones right and ones not just that everyone needs to figure out what works for them. This sounds like it's worked great for you and that's fantastic. So thanks again for your input and ideas as all suggestions could be helpful to someone.

      Please do comment more as I still feel I'm learning as well. And I've learned and implemented things from suggestions or comments.

      Dianne

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    4. What you must remember it is a punishment spanking first off. Shawn was caught just once masturbating, he now relieves himself while I watch. I also after a spanking will have him wear his pajamas the rest of the day if he has been really naughty, and that will include bath time, nothing sexual about that either, he hates it. He does have corner time, no matter who might drop in. Last but most important and more for me than Shawn he will address me as Mommy when he is naughty and that means all day and also no matter who might drop in.

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    5. Sounds like you've figured out what works!!!

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    6. Hi Dianne,
      I've never commented here before but I just love your post! I've been spanking my husband Dave for almost twenty years now and we've been married for twenty-six. Dave is much like your husband and is also turned on by spanking. He showed me the Disciplinary Wives Club website and informed me that he wanted to try it. Anyway you can read our story on page eight of Aunt Kay's website JD Picture Story. Although, since she's changed websites the pictures are all gone. I too, like many of us just thought that this was some kinky fantasy of his but like you I made it clear that his spankings would be for discipline. Dave & I sat down and made a lists of rules that he must obey. Most of these were things that he struggled with and on occasion still does.When he breaks a rule he gets a bare-bottom spanking over my knee with the paddle. And like Susan, I have found that milking him prior to his spanking takes the sexual fantasy issue right out of it. He hates it! For whatever reason, it makes his bottom much more sensitive to the paddling and I can bring him to tears much more easily which is important to me. When he embarrasses me and acts like a brat, then I want to embarrass him by making him cry like a little boy when he's over my lap. I don't let him up until his bottom is blistered!
      Over the years, I have also found that I rarely have to spank him because he has learned to follow the rules. Dave's last spanking was about a month ago and it was a preventative maintenance spanking to remind him not to complain or make any negative comments while he went shopping with me. I have found that a tender rump is a wonderful reminder for a man as well. He was a perfect angel and didn't complain once the whole day and we spent the whole day shopping! Not even when he had to wait outside the ladies' changing rooms for me to try on different outfits. And when I asked him for his opinion, he gave me his honest opinion but in a respectful manner as it should be.
      My husband is not in subjection to me either, in fact for the most part I consider him to be the head of our house because he makes the majority of the critical decisions. However, when he steps out of line and I tell him he's in trouble, like Bob, he knows whats coming. The only problem is that we have teenage children still in the house so we have to work around that. They don't need to know that I spank their father. Although, I may very well recommend it to my future daughter-in-laws for my sons when the time comes. ;) Jeanne in Houston,TX

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    7. Jeanne,

      I'm definitely going to have to go over to Aunt Kay's sight and check out your story. Thanks for commenting it's always refreshing to hear from other women that practice this. I always feel like we can learn from one another.

      Our situation was almost the exact opposite of your as we've been married for 28 years and I've only been spanking Bob for about 5 of that. As I've said and you stated in. Your comment I thought it was just a kink he had and something that would go away. Boy was I wrong and at the cost of him eventually looking elsewhere. That's why I started the blog was to hopefully help others that might be feeling like I did. That this is not just some kink or weirdness it's real to them. I guess I am fortunate my kids are grown and gone now so I don't have to work around that.

      Thanks again for your comment and for reinforcing this lifestyle.

      Dianne

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  2. Shawn, a male viewpoint, Susan said to do this, part of my punishment. So I stand and say this, As a male I looked for a woman to be in charge, women are speaking up more today, being assertive and as a male I like that. Finding Susan was the best thing for me, even though I'm wanting to rub my spanked bottom but not allowed. I want a spanking, not a playful, sexual spanking, I want a good old fashion over the lap spanking. It releases stress and that is what I need. Women are not turned on by seeing a man naked, Susan has taught me that. Women have this "Mother" thing I call it and when it comes out, and especially with Susan, I do as told and quickly. Yes I have an erection, yes I must relieve myself of it in front of Susan, it still does not turn her on. Yes the spankings really hurt, what is worse is the pajama wearing the rest of the day, not always, and I hate the baths, she is not gentle, I'm squirming in the tub, my bottom stinging and very warm, and when she dries me off, she scolds me like a naughty little boy. I do call her Mommy, do not wish another spanking. So I wanted this, I needed this, and for this male it works plain and simple.

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    1. I'm glad your getting what you wanted Shawn !!!

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    2. Do you find more females wish to be spanked than males?

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    3. Not really sure about that I've never really looked into that. For me personally I have many more men comment or email me. But I think that's just because I'm a female. But as a whole I have no idea what the numbers would be on male vs.females

      Dianne

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  3. When I hear the words Young Man, that means a spanking, I just respond with Yes Mommy, I'm soon standing with pants and underpants around my ankles, getting a scolding like a naughty little boy and then otk for the spanking I earned. I accept, I know I need and my wonderful wife insures I learn. She gives a very hard, long spanking, has even continue to spank when her mother or friend might drop in. Have seen it before and enjoy how I squirm, kick, plead, and then told to face the wall. For this male I would have it no other way, it is not Father knows best, it is and always has been Mother knows best.

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    1. Sounds like she has you very well under control!!

      Dianne

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  4. Great post!

    There are so many good sentences in your post, but (to me) this one stuck out: "So we talked some more, again, I can't stress enough the importance of constantly communicating."

    Perfect. It reminded me of something I read awhile ago and saved. From someone with the degrees (plural) and credentials to be considered an expert:

    “On some level people who practice D&S end up having much healthier conversation than people in vanilla relationships because they’re so skilled at constantly talking about what they want, what their limits are, and what those things are for their partners.”

    And there it is. Constantly. Talking. And being skilled at it!

    The expert's comment is directed at those into "D&S", which is not what you and Bob have, but it will suffice as the message - communication - is the same.

    Congratulations.

    A.J.

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    1. Thanks for the comment A.J. and I'm glad you enjoyed the post. Yes I can't stress enough that communication is the key to success.

      Dianne

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    2. I would like to add one other thing and that is while D/S is not a full time thing or is a small part of our relationship. It is still there in some form during a punishment session.

      Dianne

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    3. Just speaking personally I am an emotional mess when my wife punishes me after an orgasm.Probably for that reason she doesn't use it very often but just threatening it has a strong effect on me.I wouldn't question a wife's right to use it if she sees fit but as I read once its the "nuclear option" of Domestic discipline. Use it if nothing else is working but most guys are like me and would do anything to avoid being spanked that way. If you just threaten it you probably won't need to use it.
      Ed

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    4. Hi Dianne
      Thank you for explaining so well how you have been so successful in using real discipline in your marriage. We don't do request or fun spankings and I have some trouble understanding that. But I do understand how importance determination and consistency is for getting results. My wife has mostly been consistent in enforcing her rules and her standards for my behavior but once in a while she lets things slip and when she does my behavior goes straight down hill until she reasserts control.It's really remarkable but if I know I will absolutely be spanked for something I don't do it ( exception is some social gatherings)That is what consistency does. I do think severity is important too.For any one spanking a man needs to be taken well past the point he wants it to end.Ideally he stops all resistance and cooperates with her until she has finished.His giving up and stopping resistance is probably the best way to know a spanking has been successful. And the effect of cumulative spankings should be his consciousness is altered so he automatically avoids the actions that provoke a spanking. It sounds like you have achieved both of those goals.
      al

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    5. Ed,

      I absolutely think your right about spankings after release for men. I like the term you used about the nuclear option. I've used this option a few times if I really want to make a point. Normally I try not to associate anything sexual with a discipline spanking for instance no sexual contact for him on a day he's spanked.

      But the times I will use this method is if there's a lot of sexual tension already built up before a spanking. For example if he's very erect like a throbbing erection. One particular time I can think of that I wrote about was the time I caught him masturbating while Amy was being spanked. That post was titled "A Double Dose of Mom".

      Dianne

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    6. Al,

      The fun spankings are something I figured out works for us. As I said not everything works for everyone. So people need to find what works for them.

      But consistency is a must in all relationships of this type if you want success. As far as severity that's a pretty vague word in a sense it can be interpreted differently by different people. What someone may consider severe another may not. Any punishment spanking needs to be just as you described and taken to a point of submission by the one being spanked. Sometimes this comes sooner than other times and it's something the spanker needs to be in tune too. That's why I'm a little weary about saying every spanking needs to be severe. A less severe spanking can bring the same result as one that's more severe. Lots of factors and the key again is getting to the point of true submission and remorse as you described at the end of your comment.

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  5. Hi Dianne,
    I have a question I hope you can answer. Maybe its more than one. The first is do you think Bob's progress and behavior changes have been helped by having several different women involved in his discipline. Is he a better guy because other women as well as you have spanked him? I have always been under the authority of one woman at a time with the exception of young adulthood when both my girlfriend and mother both exercised disciplinary authority. That was a confusing period and otherwise there has not been any real overlapping of authority. But now my wife is considering giving at least limited authority to her sister who has now witnessed me being spanked many times but has never spanked me. ( she does spank her own husband something I am not supposed to know) The idea is that Kim ( not her real name) would fill in for my wife when she travels which she does often and would have the right to spank me other times if she felt it was appropriate. My wife would have reciprocal authority and responsibility with Kim's husband.( my wife has witnessed his spankings but never spanked him herself)My wife wants this to be completely consensual on my part and I am being given the right to veto it. I probably would veto it since I really am comfortable with one woman having authority at a time. But your success with Bob makes me hesitate. He seems to be thriving in a situation where your sister has authority over him as well as your Mom. So would you go for it or should I say no ( nicely) I am intrigued by it all but also somewhat intimidated. Thanks and if you are not comfortable offering advice I understand
    Alan

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    1. Alan,

      I'm not sure I would say involving other women has helped him get to where he is any faster. But it has certainly not left him a lot of wiggle room or free time to have a chance at bad behavior. No one including me are looking for reasons to spank him by any means. But for instance if he lost his temper at work prior to M being on board I may have never known about it. Same thing at home if I'm not there but Amy is. So in that sense yes I believe it's helped as he constantly has to be aware of his actions or comments.

      Now as far as you and your wife's sister I don't see any problem with her being able to spank you or vice versa. As long as it's just spanking for discipline and nothing else. If she's like my sister Amy she already has a pretty good idea of what behavior your wife deems a spanking is necessary for. Your wife should maintain total control of the reasons and approve of her giving you one though. In other words there shouldn't be two different sets of rules. She should just be a surrogate spanker if your wife's not around to deal with you. Or like in some cases with Bob it's Amy he was disrespectful to. I may be there but tell Amy to deal with him since it was her he was rude to.

      I can understand you being intimidated but shouldn't a spanking be intimidating regardless of who's giving it. She's already seen you spanked several times as you said so it's not like it's anything new to her. Especially if she spanks her husband. So correct me if I'm wrong but I think it's your embarrassment that is intimidating you not the spankings. I think your putting a sexual spin on it in your mind to where I'd bet she's not. Just my thoughts from dealing with Bob. Ultimately though it's your decision as i don't have enough knowledge of your situation to make the decision.

      Dianne

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    2. Dianne
      Thank you. Men do sexualize spanking until the shock of the paddle of brush make them deal with reality. But that is not what is intimidating here and I am no hero when being spanked so I am past that embarrassment with my sister in law. What is intimidating is the prospect of being under the control of two or more women at the same time.Bob seems to deal with it well and some other commentators on Dan's blog have talked positively about it. A very wise woman once told me that the way I was brought up made me think I should be under the control of only one woman but other men have learned to accept spankings from many women if they were necessary. She told me I needed to learn that and maybe she was right. My wife thinks being subject to her sister ( who she strongly trusts) would lead to my growth. She also wants to find out what it feels like to spank another man who apparently takes a spanking differently than I do. I just wish my wife would take this decision out of my hands.She has full authority to do that and i don't know why she doesn't.If I say no I am really violating our contract and if i say OK I will never be able to take that authority away from my sister in law if I wanted to in the future.
      Alan

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  6. Alan,

    I think your last sentence sums it up and she should take the decision out of your hands. I certainly didn't give Bob a choice unless he gets a choice who spanks him like my last post. I did in that instance let him choose who he wanted the spanking from certainly not a choice of whether he was getting one.

    I really don't understand when you talk about being under control of more than one woman. As I said before your wife should have the ultimate control so it's not like you have to follow two different sets of rules. Ultimately you have the control over whether or not you get spanked. Obey the rules you and your wife have decided upon and there won't be a need for either her or her sister to spank you. The only control your giving up is being able to get away with things when your wife's not around. That's been a big help for Bob as he has to watch his temper pretty much all the time.

    Dianne

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    1. Dianne,
      You are very wise and a fount of common sense. But there is one thing you might not understand and that is the power a woman exercises after that first spanking.My one time girlfriend said it best when she told me after I gave her authority to correct me that I could never take her authority away.That is the way I feel and I believe how most other men feel. A woman who has spanked you always knows it can be done and probably what buttons to push to make it happen.That is why giving another woman such as my wife''s sister authority to discipline isn't just adding another pair of eyes to watch my behavior. I would love to hear from some other husbands who have experienced this and how they felt about it. Apparently in the heyday of the DWC it wasn't uncommon for a badly behaved husband to be sent to another disciplinarian to be punished.I feel sure they saw these wives as full authority figures
      Alan

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    2. Alan the way you put it I can see your point. But that's certainly not how I or any of the others operate when it comes to Bob getting spanked. He came to me and ask me to do this for him so yes he gave me authority over him when discipline is needed. But at some point in the future if he asked me to stop I'd be fine with that as well. If that ever happened and he started backsliding into his old habits I'd probably suggest starting back up. But I wouldn't force it on him. As I've said many times both partners have to be willing before this will work.

      Bottom line is though nobody is pushing his buttons in order to be able to spank him. It's not exciting to me or Amy, mom or M. It's simply a corrective action for us. If he earns a spanking it's all on him acting inappropriate. Certainly not because we pushed him to that point.

      Dianne

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    3. Alan
      You are obsessing about something that will happen anyway so why not accept the inevitable and try to grow from it. if your wife has taken this to the point she is discussing it with you, she has already decided to do it and it will happen.I don't know the history of how the sister became a witness to your spankings but giving her authority to also discipline you is a natural consequence of that.As Dianne has said her sister is not going to be looking for reasons to spank you , so it's not going to happen that often. Being a disciplinarian is hard work and these two sisters are simply picking up some of the burden for each other. There may also be a silver lining in it all. If your wife does spank her sister's husband she is going to learn from disciplining another man. That will make her a better disciplinarian and surely you want that. So my advice is tell your wife you are ready to do what ever she wants and mean it. You will be a better husband for it and you will support your wife.
      Irene

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  7. Dianne,

    You and Bob don't have a contract and you two didn't specifically search this life out. Wasn't it Bob that asked you to do this for him and for you to do it to him? I just find it hard that Bob has no say in times that you are gone or when he is at work that he acts like him self and if another woman says, he did something and deserves a spanking. Why would you want him to be spanked by another woman?

    How do you deal with situations where Your husband Bob says, No I don't think I deserved to be spanked for being my self or doing my job. Especially his job do you ever fear that you are stepping over the line or have stepped over the line by telling Bob how he needs to act or do his job at work away from you? And allowing your husband to be spanked by his boss is there any issues that happen with that, does Bob ever feel like you don't stick up for him that you don't treat him like a partner when he is being tagged teamed and grouped up on by his wife allowing his boss to spank him? And what gives someone's boss the right to spank them for how they think they should do there job and I know Bob is a grown adult man and at any time could just say no that's totally stepping over the line, but if your husbands boss called and asked to spank him shouldn't that be something Bob would want you to veto and never happen that just seems like it would affect Bob in a negative way every day at work?

    That may sound harsh I don't mean it to sound that way at all but I am curious are there boundaries that you think you shouldn't cross with how Bob feels or his daily life example work? And does the intimacy ever seem to fade between you and Bob if another woman is spanking Bob?

    And everyone is different and no one has all the right answers and what works for some doesn't work for others but I'm just wondering with all this behavior modification and punishments is there a goal that you want Bob to achieve, is there an end to it all? If you sister your mom and allowing Bobs boss to spank him does that ever end? Does Bob or your self want it to end?

    And maybe I said that wrong but a main point is that Bob gets punished for his temper but what if that is just who Bob is and when your not around can you be certain that all these other woman who aren't you, aren't Bobs wife, are you ever afraid that they don't know Bob as well as you. To think that they might actually hurt Bob physically or emotionally and give Bob a punishment for something you would never punish him for. Would Your husband Bob stand for that and does he have any right to say NO! I don't deserve that, no that's not part of what me and my wife do?

    I know thats super long and probably way to many questions but I don't want to sound mean or pushy I just have lots of questions and I never get to have a real answer that doesn't have a sexual twist on it but a defined real response on how a husband and wife really feel and interact and evolve in relationships like this.

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    1. First yes Bob did come to me and asked to be spanked and I agreed to do it for him finally but it took a long time. We don't have a contract in writing but we don't need one. We sat down and discussed what he wanted to improve on as I mentioned in the post. So he's well aware of what will earn him a spanking.

      Now having mom or my sister spank him that certainly wasn't the plan at the start. But it was actually Bob that sort of instituted this in a way. If you remember the first real disciplinary spanking he got was from his high school friend Dee. And he sought that out on his own behind my back. So really he's the one that originated that. My sister Amy lives with us and has for awhile now so Bob getting spanked is nothing new to her. She's spanked him maybe four or five times but she's seen or heard the majority of his spankings. She's also very aware of when a spanking is appropriate. She's more like a sister to him so no there's no intimacy between them. Mom is like a mom or a motherly figure to him and again I trust mom implicitly I mean I grew up under her authority. So I know if she decides he needs a spanking I can promise you he does. She's only spanked him twice and only once the first time I wasn't there but was aware of it and gave her my blessing. The second time I asked her to do it.

      Now his boss M has spanked him twice both of which I just wrote about. The first one I talked her into and the second was Bob's choice. Both of them he deserved so that's not even in question. Bottom line is I trust M and no one is looking for a reason to spank him. She would never spank him for not doing his job properly. We've talked several times and we're very good friends. Even her and Bob are very good friends. Bottom line is there's no chance of him getting spanked for how he does his job. But if he loses his temper and tells her boss to grow a pair of balls. Or breaks the company rules and then lies about it then sure she's going to let me know. We'll discuss it including Bobs version and I'll make the final decision of whether he needs to be punished or not. But I'm also not going to tell her how to do her job as she's quite capable of that. Take the whole spanking aspect out of it and think about it. Say we weren't friends and she had no idea of our relationship. For Bobs actions with her boss he'd have been written up. Then his little outburst a week or so later with her was very insubordinate and he could have been written up again. Then a few months later she walks in and catches him sleeping on overtime at that. He could at that point have been suspended or probably even terminated. Nothing I could have done about it. Do you see my point so me allowing her to spank him gave her other options so it really worked out better for him. And it's been over a year and she's never had a need discipline him since.

      Now let's talk about the intimacy factor. Being spanked by others has not hurt us in the least intimately. There punishment spankings nothing sexual about them. If anything it's pretty much done away with any sexual thoughts he's had towards them. Take M for example he didn't think about her in an intimacy sense but he did fantasize about what it would be like to be spanked by her. Partly because he finds her attractive it's just how he thinks. Once he received it and found out it what is was like (painful and not enjoyable) it's no longer a fantasy. In other words the fastest way I've found to put an end to his fantasy is with a dose of reality.

      Finally your right Bob is an adult and can make his own decisions. If he eventually decides he no longer wants to be spanked he'll say so. And I'd have no problem with that. So is there an end to this? Certainly all he has to do is ask me to stop. Just like he asked me to start.

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  8. Wendy, I was not one to be wife-in-charge, I was asked to be. My husband manages a lot of people, but at home unable to manage himself. He approached me after something I can't remember that really upset me, and said he was sorry, he was acting like a little boy. I blunted out naughty little boys get a spanking. He broke down and said that is what he has always wanted a wife who would spank when needed. That first spanking was okay, since then I have accepted this role and have him knowing full well, spankings are not for sexual pleasure or meant to be fun. I spank him bare, I have him wait in the bedroom, have him undress and I take my time and make him wait. He always face the corner in the front room or kitchen afterwards. He has been spanked in front of my mother, only because he did something foolish while she was visiting. He is less stressed, acts like a naughty little boy and tries to get out of a spanking. The spanking that was the worse was when I caught him on the toilet, masturbating, looking at F/m spanking pictures. I made him finish, he cleaned himself off, had him take the pictures and to the kitchen we went. Over my lap the pictures layed on the floor to see and his bare bottom was soundly spanked. He was a mess, crying, wanting to rub, promising never to do that disgusting thing again. He faced the wall, the pictures I put on the table, told him his bottom was redder than those in the picture. He did teach me something, spankings hurt more after, and so today he must masturbate in the bathroom prior to his spanking. So all as worked out, I like being the wife-in-charge, and he will tell you himself he could not be happier.

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  9. It did seem pretty strange to me at first. I couldn't wrap my head around anyone wanting to be spanked. But as I started doing it I certainly can't deny the positive results.

    Dianne

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    1. I have learned it may be sexual for my husband but when I finish he has admitted it no longer is. For myself I find a spanking to be just that a spanking for being a naughty little boy. I do not know if this is weird or strange, but for lack of better understanding I enjoy be my husband Mommy when given him a spanking. Over my lap, squirming, pleading, I'm in charge and not until I think he has been properly punish will I stop the spanking. Is this the wrong way to look at it?

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    2. I'm glad you've found what works for you. I don't see myself as Bob's mommy. I'm just a loving wife that provides discipline when needed.

      Dianne

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  10. Jackie, the same for me, my husband behavior got the attention of the neighbors. A middle age lady a couple of houses down approached me one day, ask me if I would go walking with her sometime. I said yes and a week later, walking, she told me that her husband needs to be spanked at times, your husband is long overdue she said. I told my husband and he laughed, would not hurt, would do no good. Well his attitude got up to him, same to the kitchen one morning, naked, go for it he said and over my lap he went. Well he found out otherwise and when he could not get up, he was soon pleading. He did as told when I stopped and stood in the middle of the room, rubbing and crying. I then called the lady and told her, she came right over and gave me a nice large paddle, my husband saw that and said please no. Well he put a some show while the neighbor watched, his bottom was a nice shade of red and sure looked cute facing the corner. So this wife learned there is being a wife and being a Mother, husbands need both. Mine is better behaved, even my mother made a comment and she smiled when I said what I do. So don't wrap your head around it, place him over your lap and warm and redden that bare bottom, don't stop until you are satisfied.

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    1. By this point my head is wrapped around it.

      Dianne

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    2. I do have trouble not smiling as my husband, just like a little boy pleads to get out of the spanking. He hates me bare his bottom, or having him undress by the count of ten. He acts just like a little boy who is being spanked by his Mommy, so cute. Facing the wall afterwards he dreads if anyone drops in, he stays and I tell about the spanking. But I keep a stern face, firm voice, and he knows I'm in charge and he wishes to act like a naughty little boy, then this wife will be the Mommy and over my lap he will go and get his bare bottom soundly spanked.

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    3. Sounds like you've got him under control!!

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    1. He has tried to make excuses for things he's done and sometimes he avoids a spanking. But that's not very often. It is take it or leave it I let him know that from the start. If he wanted true discipline I had total control.

      Dianne

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    1. Panty wearing wasn't discussed and certainly doesn't happen that often. I only have him wear them if he's been disrespectful towards women. It serves as a good reminder of his actions for a few days. His spankings are kinda of harsh but not any harsher than they need to be. As I've stated I'm pretty good at reading him at this point.

      Dianne

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  13. Shawn, I'm told to address Susan my wife as Mommy when a spanking is needed. Do you find this wrong, really just asking your opinion. How do you like to be address when a spanking is needed?

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    1. I think whatever works for you is how it should be. For me I'm fine with Dianne or ma'am. I'm not his mommy nor do I want to be.

      Dianne

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  14. Hi Diane,
    I love your thoughts and accounts of dealing with Bob when discipline is due. My wife has a number of rules that must be followed or punishments are in order such as I am not allowed to wear any clothes to bed or when the kids are not around, strap on punishments are tough as she is brutal with that damn thing and spankings are just now becoming a new discipline as is recycling my cum whenever she allows me the privilidge. We have lived in a FLR for many years now and it keeps getting better and more humiliating for me. Keep up the great work and posts.

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  15. Thanks I'm glad you enjoyed the post and happy that you and your wife have figured things out as well.

    Dianne

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  16. Married just over two years, my loving wife told me that to make this marriage work, changes were needed. She then listed faults of both of us. One must be in charge and told me how her mother was in charge and the shock came when she told me, there were times her Dad was spanked. I was shocked and said nothing, she stood up and said today is the day I take charge. She said we need to go to the bedroom and she pulled a chair from her vaniety table, told to stand before her I did and she lowered my pajamas bottoms and over her lap I went. The second shock, it hurt and really had me squirming, soon saying enough and finally pleading. I danced around the room, rubbing and crying and said that hurts, spanking are suppose to. Pull up your bottoms she said, in the kitchen squirming on the chair she layed out the rules. Three years later I'm still spanked, our marriage is stronger. I just never knew a woman was able to spank so hard.
    I do as told when it comes to a spanking, always in the bedroom, have been spanked a couple of times while traveling, she brings along what she calls the spanking hairbrush. I know she has told her mom, but she never mentions she has. Her mother's look at me tells me she knows and approves. So this husband is grateful to have such a wife who cares, but this husbands dreads those trips over her lap, even though I brought it on myself, I sure can't wait to be able to sit without squirming.

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  17. It sounds like she's handling you well and also you obviously don't mind getting spanked. You must realize the benefits that come from it. Happy to hear your both willing as that's what it takes.

    Dianne

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  18. My wife wanted me to meet the new neighbors, no big deal. I did notice the husband was friendly but just wanted to stand and talk. We were not home five minutes when my wife told me why he preferred to stand, I was shocked. She then wanted to know if I wanted a divorce or to accept the changes she was going to initiate. I heard them and decided best to accept her changes. That first spanking, I was erect, naked, pleading, she just smiled, pulled a chair out and soon I was a total mess. A couple of weeks after that spanking, visiting the neighbors, my wife told about the spankings and the neighbor wife smiled and said, get results, it sure does.
    I stood next to the husband and we compared notes.

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  19. Do women, wives have ways to get there boyfriends, husbands to accept being spanked. I do not mean foreplay or sexual games, a spanking to address a problem and the woman or wife decides a spanking in the answer?

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    2. Wendy, I think beatings is not the proper word. My husband knows our marriage works because I'm in charge. He gets tunnel vision, and was spoiled as a child, that does not work with me. We got along from the first date, it was some months later that I saw things that needed to be addressed and for him to change. We talked, agreed, I brought up spankings, he laughed, agreed, (no laughing today). Our honeymoon at a nice hotel, he got his first spanking, wanted to get off on the right foot. He learned I met business. He is a better person, but still puts up a fuse when he has earned a spanking. My best friend in the neighborhood spanks her husband, we compare notes, a lot the same. I feel strongly that if more wives would take a firm hand, paddle, hairbrush, to their husbands bare bottom, marriages would last, no abruse problems, wives have to teach husbands about being married and no better way than the husband over the wife lap. So it is not a beating, it is a proper spanking for a husband who wishes to be naughty, selfish, or just acts like a little boy.

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    4. I certainly don't feel like either a husband or a wife can force this on their partner. Both parties have to be in agreement for it to work. Trying to enforce something only creates friction and would do harm to a relationship. Bob came to me and asked for this it wasn't my idea.

      One partner could certainly suggest it as Bob did but if the other partner is not willing then it's not going to work.

      Dianne

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    5. Agree totally, my husband admits spanking do help, only wish not as hard. I only insure his bottom is red and very warm. I find he hates facing the wall afterwards, especially if he is naked, works wonders. He is erect and glad that goes away quickly, also for some reason he needs to pee after a spanking, don't understand that.

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    6. Bob feels he needs spankings but hates getting spanked if that makes sense. Erections aren't really a problem anymore for him anyway. The needing to pee thing I'm not sure about.

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  20. My husband told me of his desire, want, of a spanking when we were dating. Oh he did things that I so wanted to spank him for but did not. It was on our honeymoon that I decided to grant him his wish. He woke up the next morning, felt good, took a shower, and the look on his face, me standing with paddle as he stepped out of shower. I knew others heard, one woman smiled and said getting off on the right foot when we were at breakfast, he was squirming. He was really good and when we got home he did not like being spanked away from home. I looked at him sternly, best bare your bottom young man, my tone scared him, and to this day, he is spanked when and where I decide. He felt a need to be spanked, I felt a need to use the spanking to improve him. It works for both of us. My best spankings is when I tell him to get to the bedroom and best be ready when I arrive, especially if I say this if others are around. He does as told, he is naked, pleading, promising to be good, does no good, only thing he must stand hands on head, no rubbing. He got caught once, never did he disobey me again on this.

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  21. I do not know if Bob gets an erection prior to being spanked, I do. My wife makes jokes about it, I must hold it while being scolded, reminded it will be go away quickly. On a couple of occasions I've been told to relieve myself of it. Hate that, more jokes until I cum. Oh the spanking does hurt after this, a lot. I stand not facing the wall, but facing her, once again told to hold it, it is limp. When I'm told my punishment is over, she takes me to the bathroom, insures I used hot water and soap and wash myself off, and especially my hands.

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  22. It is when I'm naked, over my wife's lap, kicking, squirming, pleading, as the hairbrush warms and stings my bottom that I feel very little. A few times when she is really mad and my bottom feels it I will call her "Mommy" and say I will be good.
    When she finally stops and I stand before her, crying, rubbing, she smiles, and ask if I learned my lesson. I always say Yes.
    I wonder why she is smiling, I will not ask, is there a reason, and do you wives enjoy spanking your husbands?

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  23. Stress Relief my wife learned for me was a sound spanking, not sexual, just a good old fashion over her lap bare bottom spanking. She has over the years improved on it, making me remove my clothing while she counts to ten, being scolded, my erection is no concern, she jokes about it. I enjoy it all, the spanking, oh, it is real, I danced, rub, the stinging and warmth is there. Facing the wall, only on a few occasions have other witness a spanking, a very good friend of hers showed up while I was being spanked, said nothing, sat and watched. I could care less as I danced and rub and all on display.

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  24. Seems like a lack of empathy has been the key to success here.

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  25. That's true if you want results then you can't waive. Consistency is the key.

    Dianne

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