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Friday, December 14, 2012

My Perspectives On Spanking My Husband and a Female Led Relationship

Hello Everyone,

I got a comment this morning on my latest post about Bob's punishment from Julie. And I thought I would go into more detail about our relationship and what it entails. I do know that every relationship is different and the main thing is that people do what works for them.

But as for us we have a FLR in the sense that as I've said before gives me the final say about what we do or more to the point, what Bob can do. I am not a Bitch nor do I consider myself a Goddess. I consider myself a normal wife who chooses to fill my husbands need for discipline. As I've stated many times before Bob wants or craves would be a better word to be held accountable by a female authority figure. That is what my role has become in our marriage. I don't know why he has these desires nor does he, it is just something that he has had every since he can remember all the way back to childhood. And for men or women for that matter that feel this way it is very real and as Bob has told me it's something they think about everyday. In other words it's not just a passing occasional thought but it is a deep down desire.

The question that was posed to me by the person commenting was did I enjoy pegging Bob and they were wondering if Bob was becoming a real sissy. Also they asked if I felt the need for a real man, and if I was training Bob to become a little cuckhold sissy.

Well none of this could be any further from the truth. First let me say that I don't get turned on sexually by punishing him. I punish him because of his desire to be held accountable and punishment is just what it implies. It is meant to be painful or humiliating so that hopefully a lesson will be learned. And whatever the behavior was that warranted being punished will be corrected. It is just as simple as that in our case. 
Bob doesn't enjoy getting pegged or has no desire to share me with another man. Nor does he crave or enjoy being treated as or dressed up in female attire. And he doesn't get off on being humiliated in any way especially not publicly as he was in front of Dee and Brianna that day. He is petrified of being punished in front of others.

As far as do I crave a real man I'm not sure what the person commenting means by this. I can only assume that obviously this person is a male making this comment. And I would just like to say that I feel like I have a real man. Bob has no problem being a man's man so to speak when he's around others. And if you were to meet him you would not have any idea that he has these desires or allows me to punish him. I think this person making this comment thinks that a real man is one who thinks the world revolves around them and they treat women as there personal toys. And that a woman's whole purpose is to please them and cater to them. And that they should do all the housework and cooking and give them sex when they want it. And as long as they are satisfied then it doesn't matter how she feels. Well that is not what I consider a man that is what I consider a pig.

Bob was never like that even before I started filling his needs to be punished. He has always been kind and considerate towards me and others. And has always been willing to help around the house. His biggest downfall was he had a tendency to procrastinate on things. Or sometimes complain when I asked him to do something he didn't really feel like doing at the time. Also at times I would feel like he would just take me for granted and wasn't always in tune to what my needs were if he had something else on his mind at the time. So these are the behavior's that we address and work on. So instead of him becoming less of a man in my opinion he's becoming a better man because of our lifestyle now.

With that said let me make it clear that as I said I'm not a Bitch or this demanding wife that expects him to do everything. I don't ask him to jump and expect him to reply how high. We pretty much have a very normal relationship as anyone else. The thing that's changed is that I now punish him when I feel he needs it and that is the way he wants it. We also communicate our feelings with one another more so than we did in the past. This way there is no confusion about what we expect from one another. He is more in tune to my needs as I am his because of this. And there are no surprises on what he can expect from me.

For example if we are out in public and he is rude or acting childish in the sense of complaining about something he doesn't need to be then I will grab him and tell him he had better straighten up or else. As I said he hates being humiliated publicly but if his actions warrant it then he knows I'll do it. But other than these type of situations you would never know that I was in charge. You would just see us as a normal couple happily in love with one another which we are.

He is still allowed to have his opinion's about things and as I've said I value his input as my husband. And there are many times I agree with his opinions. But if I have made up my mind about something and he tries to argue about it or belittle me for what I've decided then he can expect to be punished first chance we have. I would not spank him in a public place because I'm not comfortable doing this not to mention it's not practical. And I'm sure there are those who would think I was weird if I did this. But I have given him an occasional swat on his bottom as a reminder he's crossed the line and can expect me to deal with him once we have the chance.

Now I would like to clear up any misconceptions about Bob's punishments. As I've stated before in previous post, I only spank or punish for real offences. I do use different ways to punish him and they do not always involve spanking. But no matter what I decide the punishment will be I can promise you it is not something he enjoys otherwise it wouldn't be a punishment. I use different methods as I see fit but they are usually tailored to fit the situation. For example as I wrote about in my one post "Bob's Embarrassing Lesson" he was made to wear panties for the weekend for making a comment about housework being women's work. And in another post "Yesterday's Lesson For Bob" I used corner time and a hard paddling for him being cheeky with me.

The different punishments I've used are corner time, spanking (which involves the strap or paddle) being made to wear panties, pegging and mouth soaping. I will give more details when I write about his different punishments he's received in future post and then you will see how I tailor the punishment more in detail. As I said earlier I've also used public humiliation and ear pulling to get his attention. He does not enjoy any of these things other than his desire to be spanked. But as I've made clear in earlier post he fantasizes about the thought of being spanked but does not enjoy the actual spanking itself. None of the rest of these things does he have any desire to experience. Other than the one time he wanted to wear panties to experience what it was like for Dee that day in school and at home he has had no desire to wear panties other than that one time. And when I do make him he hates it and is scared to death of someone discovering that he is wearing them.

So there you have it this is our life in a nutshell. I could go on forever trying to explain in detail about various things but that would be to complicated. I do know that there are those out there that have different lifestyles or desires than what ours is. Some people get off on public humiliation or cross dressing. And some do enjoy having a slave/dom type of relationship or enjoy a cuckholding relationship. There are to many different scenarios to list them all. And all I can say is if that is what they enjoy then who am I to deny them that pleasure. I don't look down on there choices just as I would hope people wouldn't look down on ours. We are living the life we have both chose to live and one that works out best for the both of us.

With that said I would like to state that the whole reason I started this blog is to hopefully help others understand the need to communicate with their partners their needs and desires. And hopefully to be able to figure out what works for them before it either drives a wedge in their relationship or one of them does as Bob did and goes and looks elsewhere to get the need filled. This is not something he's proud of but I've forgiven him and I now understand that our lack of properly communicating our needs and thoughts to one another is what led him to do this. And for that I realize I'm partly to blame for his actions. And that is why I now fill those needs and hope to help others understand that they are not alone in this.

 I also know that there are those who read this blog and use it as a tool to fill their desires and get off sexually imagining being in Bob's place. While that is not why I write the blog I understand their need for release because Bob did the same for years before I came to realize his true needs and desires so I don't look down on anyone for this. But I would like to see more comments from my readers so I can at least have a gauge on if I'm helping anyone or if I'm just wasting my time writing these post. So please send some comments so I'll be motivated to keep writing.
Dianne

77 comments:

  1. Hi Dianne,

    Your posts raise many points and perhaps sometimes readers are a little overwhelmed knowing what to comment upon. I will talk to one or two points in this one and leave other things for another time.

    First of all I think you are doing an outstanding job as a disciplinary wife, as Deidre is and Aunt Kay teaches, delivering firm consistent discipline that teaches and punishes bad behavior beyond any fantasies Bob may have. That is something I always needed probably much like Bob and was lucky enough to find it in a no non sense wife who holds me accountable and has taught me bad behavior has consequences I want to avoid.

    This is something countless men need and more are seeking it than ever before. But not every male wants that and you are seeing that in some comments. Some want the fantasy but not the reality, some want to be feminized or cuckolded and some don’t know what they want. In my opinion that’s all good too as long as it’s a consensual relationship. But too many of us assume everyone has the same needs and that’s not the case.

    Another point is about public punishments. Spanking your husband in a truly public setting is impractical and would violate others rights. But consider occasionally spanking him in front of a trusted witness who will embarrass him. My wife has been spanking me in front of her sister once or twice a year and it has had a dramatic influence on the number of times she has to spank me. I absolutely hate the ritual of being striped and spanked to tears in front of her and knowing she is probably giving her husband (my brother in law) all the details. All my wife usually has to do is pick up the phone and threaten to call her and my behavior problems disappear. So if you are forced to spank Bob more than once or twice monthly (keeping in mind that correction and punishment are your goals) that is too often and using a witness will cut it down pretty dramatically. For Bob and me too it’s not the number of times you spank but how effective the spanking is in making us feel we are under your control. Making Bob take it in front of a witness is probably the ultimate proof that you are in charge.

    Finally please keep blogging and giving us all a chance to compare notes and learn from each other. Hearing how other wives handle their guys helps other women who are still learning and experimenting and it helps us guys too know that we are not alone. I think it’s easier for men to accept discipline from their wives and grow with the experience when they know that other men are experiencing the same.

    Alan


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    1. Alan,
      Thank you for the kind words about me and also your thoughts about my blog raising several points and that quite possibly people are overwhelmed. You sound like you have a very similar relationship with your wife as Bob and I have. And we're in agreement with other lifestyles and fantasies others have.
      As far as spanking him in front of witnesses that is something I have considered and do plan to do. The only problem I have at this point in time is knowing who to trust and who would understand. But I do have 3 sisters and I am slowly working on this with them but I don't want to overwhelm them either. If the situation arose then I know two of them would probably be at least understanding but for now I'm still testing the waters. Dee is the only one I could truly trust right now and we have become real good friends. But because of the distance between us it's not practical. But your right I have mentioned calling her on a couple of occasions and see an immediate improvement in Bob just from the mere mention of this.
      And yes I will keep blogging as it is an outlet for me as well. Thank you for sharing about your experiences and letting me know I'm doing some good. I know people must enjoy the blog as I'm approaching 4,000 views in just the short amount of time since I started it. But as you said I would like to compare notes as well so that is mainly why I would like more feedback.
      Dianne

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    2. Sisters are great because they keep it in the family and maximize the embarrassment factor. But actually telling any other trusted women that you spank Bob and letting him know you have done so will increase your control of him. I first experienced this many years ago with a girlfriend and the effect is even stronger now. There is just something about others knowing or even witnessing that makes it all very real and makes me very obedient not just when it's happening but for a long time afterward

      Alan

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    3. Thanks for the input Alan this is definitely something I want to try and soon. Will be sure and blog about it when it happens.
      Dianne

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    4. After months of threatening to spank me in front of a witness my wife chose to make her point by asking her sister if there was somewhere we she could take me to "adjust my attitude". I don't know if she had had the discussion with her in advance but my sister in law looked surprised when my wife took her hair brush from her purse and led me to the room her sister pointed to. I began to object when we were alone and she asked if I wanted her to call her sister to watch. I immediately decided that I didn't want that and she really did adjust my attitude. I was really embarrassed when we returned my sister in law said" very interesting " as I apologized . I know next time she will watch

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    5. Anon,

      Yes having your spanking witnessed or even having someone know what's going on and able to hear it from another room greatly increases the humility level.

      Dianne

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    6. My wife paddles me on a regular basis with a Spencer Paddle.

      She prefers me restrained on the bed face down so I set up the bed so she can use eye bolts in all four corners and leather cuffs. She can secure me tight so I cannot move or get away.

      She likes me gagged so I cannot complain or if I do the noise is muffled. She always selects a pair of panties from her hamper and uses a piece of duct tape to hold them in place.

      She knows I will voluntarily get the bed ready and prepare myself for my paddling. I like to cross dress so I usually wear panties, bra, garter belt and high heels.

      http://www.spankingtube.com/video/8561/

      http://www.spankingtube.com/video/36141/sissy-leighanne-gets-more-of-the-paddle

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    7. Very nice paddling, tell your wife she did a great job. But you need to learn to hold that butt of yours a little more still instead of making her have to chase it around with the paddle.

      Dianne

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    8. Dianne

      All she needs to do it tighten up the ropes to my leather cuffs. She is not a good rope and knot person.

      Once she has me tightly stretched spread eagle I will not be able to move at all.

      That second video (Leighanne get more of the paddle) was only 9 seconds long and she was able to land about 30 with the Spencer Paddle.

      I asked her for an anniversary paddling and 1 second for every year married. This month is our 31st anniversary.

      I am going to dress cute and ask her to really secure me tight and give me a nice hard and fast 31 second ass beating.

      I may ask her to verbally tease me before and after as well. She loves to tell me what I asked for and what I will be getting.

      I will of course video it.

      Leighanne

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  2. I will continue to be a visitor and read your interesting blog, whether I comment or not.

    Please be aware that there likely will be many other readers and visitors of your blog, whether they choose to comment or not.

    So BE encouraged! You are NOT wasting your time or energy when writing your posts: you are appreciated!!!!!!!!!!

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    1. Bobcat,
      Thank you for your encouragement and I'm glad you enjoy the blog. (:
      Dianne

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  3. Good morning, Ms Dianne
    Excellent follow up posting to help us all more fully understand your thoughts regarding your FLR. Yes, each of your readers have different reasons for keeping up on your postings and hopefully we are learning how to better work on our own situations.

    I find my situation very close to Bob's original mindset...and you've helped me understand some of the thoughts that a wife has as she finds out about her husband's inner thoughts & how you've adopted your strict methods.

    Please do keep posting. Thank you. Trippit

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    1. Trippit,
      Thanks for the encouragement and I'm glad that I've been able to help you in some small way.
      Dianne

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. It's granted, not granite. You're not a stonr.

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    1. Thanks for commenting even if it was just to correct my spelling. LOL Just had new counter tops put in and I guess my mind was elsewhere. But since we're giving spelling lessons it should be stoner not stonr. No offense taken and just having some fun with you.
      Dianne

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  6. You might consider using Skype to have Dee witness you spanking Bob. Not as effective as "live", but in a pinch...

    Do you see/use pegging as a punishment; as a dominant (you)/submissive (him) sexual act; or both? Thanks.

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  7. Hey Anon,
    Great idea about Skype and one I hadn't thought of. Might just do that sometime. But as you can see by my most recent post the witness problem has been solved for now thanks to my sister.
    As far as your next question that depends on the situation. As I wrote about in Julie's punishment it was definitely for punishment and wasn't enjoyable for him.
    Dianne

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  8. LOL! I ddn't notice my mistake until you pointed it out. Typo. Perhaps my self-editing skill would improve from a righteous smackbottom; what do you think?

    Respectfully,
    Alan Z.

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    1. Alan,
      Yes I'm sure your editing skills would improve from one of my spankings. But don't worry I don't consider typos a spankable offense. If they were I guess I would need one to for my granite instead of granted and that's not going to happen. But the beauty of it is since it's my blog I can go back and edit my mistake which I did thanks to your keen eye. Sorry I can't edit yours though all I can do on comments is reply or delete.
      Have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
      Dianne

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  9. Dianne,

    I just discovered your blog today. I like what you've written about your FLR with Bob. You seem to be sympathetically and lovingly no-nonsense.

    I see a lot of myself in Bob and some of the other men who are involved in FLRs. It's great to see that I'm not alone in my desires. That fact alone makes reading the FLR blogs worthwhile for me, and I think for many others as well.

    Happy holidays,

    Michael_Michael

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    1. Michael,
      Welcome and thanks for your kind words.
      I'm glad you enjoy the blog. Your right if Bob crosses me I am no nonsense when it comes to discipline. Otherwise we're a pretty normal couple.
      Dianne

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  10. Dianne:
    Great blog! Keep up the great work! Bob's a very lucky fellow.

    Hope to get my wife to read it.

    Walt

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    1. Hey Walt,
      Welcome and I'm glad you enjoy the blog.
      Bob wanted this lifestyle at first but not sure he feels so lucky now. I am a very lucky lady though to have such a respectful and well behaved husband now. Wished I would have figured out the benefits of this years ago.
      Dianne

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  11. My husband has been paddled, flogged, caned or strapped for a number of years (and, previously, by his late wife). The frequency of such treatment varies according to his behavior, but he 'gets it' at least once a week. Every so often, however, he is subjected to a "disciplinary week" during which he will get spanked once or twice every day - and he is also liable to get more than his share when we are on vacation.

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    1. Hey Anon,
      Welcome and thanks for commenting. I love to hear from other females who have taken charge. All I can say is wow and I thought I was strict. The only time Bob got spanked everyday was the week I found out about him cheating on me by getting Dee to spank him like I wrote about. We haven't taken a vacation since I've taken control but I do have a great travel size paddle that I know I'll take with me when we do. Does your husband enjoy his spankings because for me I am finding I'm having to do it less frequently now that he knows how a real discipline spanking feels.
      Dianne

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    2. When I married him, he had already been well 'trained' by his first wife (who was a good friend of mine), and I had watched her spanking him on a few occasions. Accordingly, I already knew that he not only accepted, but also - in a manner of speaking - 'enjoyed' being disciplined. Of course, he also feels the pain - but 'pleasure' is also involved for both of us (albeit in different ways), which must be the reason why he often begs for 'more'!

      And, of course, 'making up' after a 'session' with the paddle, the martinet, the cane, etc. -often followed by some 'corner time' - is enormously satisfying for both of us... if you see what I mean!

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    3. Sounds like its fun for both of you. Nice that you got him already trained and since you witnessed it a few times you knew just what to do.
      Dianne

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    4. I didn't really need to learn 'what to do', as I had already had some prior experience - and this, among other things, was what cemented my friendship with L's first wife...

      The fact, however, that I knew (and had actually watched) the way she spanked or whipped him made it a lot easier for me -and for him, I suppose - to initiate a 'disciplinary' relationship once we started dating (and over the following years)

      J.

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    5. J. is actually a stricter disciplinarian than N. (my late wife). She claims that the skin on my backside has grown thicker from years of repeated (and frequent) chastising, and that she needs to paddle or flog me harder to 'get the message across'...

      L.

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    6. I'll take that as a compliment !

      J.

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    7. It was meant to be - but what between your sister's visit at Thanksgiving, and the ongoing "twelve days of Christmas", my backside could use a break!

      L.

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  12. Hi,
    This was the second of your posts I've read, after your intro one. You think in much the same way as my wife (although she enjoys spanking and punishing), so I can easily relate to where you are coming from. Intimacy is the main gift of this lifestyle, and so worth it for that alone, and the concept of a real man is based on a fiction of social conditioning rather than reality. It does not mean a man is weak because he defers to his wife's autority and discipline. Indeed, my wife thinks it takes great strength. I admit I still could not tell vanilla friends that Cathy spanks me etc, but I know that is about the aforementioned conditioning.

    Cathy and I don't write on our blog so much these days, but only because we feel we have said everything we created it to say.
    Good to have found your blog though, and I hope it will inspire us to comment and share our thoughts.

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  13. Scally,
    I hope you do comment, I would love to see other couples who practice this lifestyle comment more. I think we can all learn from one another and hopefully help others who might be considering crossing that bridge. And your right social conditioning plays a huge part in what many feel is a real man. Sad really and even I didn't want this type of marriage for years for some of those same fears. Wished I would have figured out sooner all the benefits that come with this lifestyle. Cause as you can relate I now have a much better husband and one that is envied by many of my friends. But your right I can't share why he is so great with just anyone.
    Dianne

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  14. Ms. Dianne-
    As I just discovered your blog a few days ago, I am still working my way through your wonderful writings. I still have more to read but thought I'd pause and leave a comment. (BTW, with 26 comments on this post, you are certainly getting your wish about comments met).

    I love the way you speak of communicating in your relationship and recommend it to others. We all approach our FLR differently but communication is probably the most important common element we all share. Without it we really don't have a relationship.

    And I also loved the way you spoke of the 'male' thing. I truly believe that just because I am submissive to my Lady doesn't mean I am any less of a man. Indeed, I can hold my own with the best of them and retired with a very successful career behind me. And I also love the way you fend off any thoughts of being a 'Bitch'. It takes a special, loving and caring woman to take the time to learn about our special needs. But the bottom line is that there is so much for the women in these relationships to gain.

    Ken (Looking forward to reading more)

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    1. Ken,
      You are so right about communication being the common denominator in relationships.
      I have guys email me and ask me how to get their wives or girlfriend to start spanking them.
      My first question to them is have you expressed your true feeling to her. And most of the time that's not the case.
      I tell them that its not only important they do but it is the key to everything.
      And if she doesn't like the idea at first don't try and push it on her. Because not everyone is dominate and getting spanked is not worth losing a relationship
      As far as our roles in our marriage I felt I needed to explain that because there seems to be a lot of misconception about FLR. A lot of people want to wrap everyone up into this lifestyle.
      Like to do this the wife has to be this domineering bitch or the husband has to be a sniveling good for nothing weak man.
      Well as you know nothing could be further from the truth. And I just wanted to try and clear that up.
      It's not a cookie cutter lifestyle as we are all different and have different desires in what we want in our relationships.
      And lastly your so right about the benefits. Both Bob and I have gained so much.
      Dianne

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  15. Hello Dianne,

    I can tell you that you have helped my wife and myself greatly with your blog. We are developing a very similar relationship as you have with Bob. You are right that communication is key and in a short time we have started reading your blog, it allowed to put words on feelings we were both having but weren't sharing.

    Please continue to write this blog if you feel like it, I can tell you that up here is a couple that reads what you write and so far it has helped us beyond our wildest expectations.

    Thank you very much once more.....

    -Dan

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    1. Dan,

      Your very welcome as I've said I started this blog to hopefully help others. And it sounds as if the two of you are off to a great start.

      Dianne

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  16. Dianne,

    Indeed we are off to a great start, and a good reason for this is due to your valuable insight you have shared with Lilly and I. Your blog is so insightful to us,not as a source for having ideas but to related to another couple who went through what we are going.

    Thanks again (I feel like a broken record repeating this over and over and I apologize for it....but it's honestly how I feel).

    -Dan

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  17. I have caused a argument with my wife just for her to spank me until I cried like a baby

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    1. Ronald,
      But have you discussed it with her that you want and need this. Sounds to me like your tying to control the situation.

      Dianne

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  18. You have a very well thought out plan and consensual arrangement with your husband Bob. What could be better? My addition to the conversation hopefully will be, as a male submissive person, to share some speculation about the male psyche from my own perspective. I need a spanking from a woman to correct misbehavior. My need for this comes from a desire for a sense of security, feeling grounded, and being loved enough to be disciplined. I would like to comment though that spanking can be used effectively for both punishment and pleasure. You don't have to worry about the possible confusion. He will know the difference. When a spanking is for punishment, you stand him up and meet eye contact and tell him. He will know by the pain level that he is being punished and this is not a sexual thing at this moment. Personally, I like for a women to take charge even to the point where it is she and not me that pulls down my pants. There is a lot of authority when a woman pulls down your pants herself. Wearing panties is good punishment. When I have been immature, I am placed in a diaper. The diaper doesn't come off until I earn my way back to normal underwear. This is my contribution.

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    1. Anon,

      Thanks for your input and I do agree with you about the two types of spanking to a degree. I will give him a pleasurable spanking using my hand or an implement if he wants. I wrote about these in my post "A Spanking He Ask For". And as you know if you've read the whole blog I did put him in diapers once but I wouldn't hesitate to do it again if I felt he needed it.

      Dianne

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  19. I am a male person who would like to be in an FLR. Any suggestions? I do live in a heavily populated area, 30 miles east of Los Angeles but have only been able to seek out woman that offer professional service for discipline.

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    1. Anon,

      I just wrote a post on this subject. Check out "The Million Dollar Question".

      Dianne

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  20. I just discovered your blog, and I can't tell you how happy I am to find a like minded wife in charge! My hubby and I don't practice DD full time, but I do punish him for misbehavior regularly when it seems warranted. Typically I spank him (non-erotically, punishment only), but I have on occasion "figged" him, or pegged him. We started doing it sort of by accident... I found that he often apologized somewhat flippantly for something he'd done, not because he was genuinely sorry, but because he knew I was upset about it. In turn, I accepted his apology, but silently held on to resentment for whatever it was. When I wasn't angry with something he'd done, but hurt, he often told me that he wished that there was something he could do to demonstrate how sorry he was, even though I had accepted his apology. I suggested that we institute a punishment system - something that was pretty uncomfortable for him, and that would require him to submit to me and humble himself to apologize. After he had accepted and I had delivered whatever it was, he could feel forgiven, and I could feel that he was genuinely sorry.
    Our system kind of evolved from there. There are some arguments where we are both angry, and for us, those situations aren't appropriate for punishment, but in cases where I am upset with something he's done, I will wait until we've calmed down and let him know that I feel a punishment would be appropriate for his behavior. Very, very rarely is he not willing to accept that (if he weren't, I wouldn't force him, because he is usually excellent at knowing when he's earned it). He is quite open minded sexually, but even if he would enjoy erotic spanking, or even me paying some attention to his back door, enjoyment is the last thing on his mind during a genuine punishment. Part of keeping those two worlds separate is fairly simple... We have one spanking implement used for punishment only, and one anal toy used for punishment only, stored in a separate place from everything else. That helps keep the mindset on discipline and not erotic activities for both of us.
    I believe punishment should be sufficiently painful to correct behavior, but I don't believe it should be administered cruelly, or with anything but love. I don't get sexual enjoyment out of punishing him, and sometimes, it can be very hard, especially when it is a more severe one and I can see that it's causing him pain. I have spanked him to tears on a number of occasions, and I believe strongly in holding, comforting, and ensuring that he knows he is forgiven afterward. I don't "peg" him per se (we've found it's simply too much for him) but I've modified the punishment in such a way that I'll have him lie down, lie behind him, and insert it fully. After that I'll hold him through what is inevitably a lot of squirming and whincing and pain, but eventually he reaches a point where the tears come, he is no longer resisting even though it hurts, and I am lying there with him in my arms, comforting and correcting at the same time. It takes an incredible amount of mutual trust and intimacy to punish someone that way and for the other person to submit to being punished that way, and I am grateful that we are able to share something like that... Afterward, I have laid with him for hours, him feeling completely forgiven and close to me and me having completely forgiving him and feeling close to him. It's certainly not for everyone, but I believe it has improved our relationship significantly, and I am so glad that you have had a similar experience in your life. I look forward to reading more on your blog!

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    1. Anon,

      It sounds as if you are a lot like us. We have a pretty much normal relationship except for the fact that I punish Bob when he needs it. This was actually something he asked for and it took me awhile but I now see the benefits. Like you I still value him as my husband and treat him as such. But when he acts childish then he gets treated as such. Our relationship has drastically improved because of this. Your right it's not for everyone but for those that are willing it makes things a lot easier. I couldn't tell you that last time we had a big argument.

      Hope you enjoy the rest of the blog!!!

      Dianne

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  21. I guess by now you are realizing how many folks are being helped by your journals here. My wife and I have had a couple of discussions recently about his kind of lifestyle, if I can call it that, and are presently in what I think is the soak stage. She is trying to figure out in her own mind just what it is I need out this and the discussions here are helping me with helping her. I am very wary of doing what others are calling "topping from the bottom" though. I like a lot of folks here had a pretty successful career and a lot of that success was a result of what turned out to be excellent negotiating skills and the ability to influence others with my opinions. Now those skills never seem to be as good at home as they were out in the world but I don't want to box my lady in, if this is to work I believe she has to come to understand my need and resolve her issues with the mechanics herself. Keep up the good work

    Jake

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    1. Just keep the communication line open Jake and let her go at her own pace.

      Dianne

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  22. I need a no nonsense Female here in South Africa to Cane me as Punishment! Fdekoker1975@gmail.com

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    1. Sorry I don't know anyone in South Africa.

      Dianne

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  23. Rachel Johnson, my wife ...rachel.johnson9136 punishes me on occasoion for being bad. if you or your wife have a questions, she can help

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    1. Anon,

      I've actually communicated through email a couple of times with a Rachel. I don't know if this was your wife but you might ask her if she has been in contact with me.

      Dianne

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  24. You said:

    "First let me say that I don't get turned on sexually by punishing him."

    You recently finished up a punishment for Bob by pegging him and you got turned on. You had him lick you to orgasm after the pegging because you were very wet and you said you reached orgasm quickly. You also said that enjoyed having control over him during his spankings.

    I'm glad to so read that it is now exciting to you sexually when you punish him---at least sometimes :)

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    1. Anon,

      Guilty as charged but is what I meant is spanking him does nothing for me sexually. I do like the authority I have over him though. And with the pegging what lady wouldn't get excited from having her clit stimulated.

      Dianne

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  25. Hi, I'm in a new relationship & my "friend" has repeatedly asked me to spank him. Although I see him as a strong, macho character, his request at first had me worried. But on doing a little research (via Google!), it would appear it's not a strange request. The only issue I have is getting started (e.g position & instrument of discipline etc), as he's now saying he'll "respect me more" once I do it...! As I think I deserve respect, etc whether I do it or not, I have the right energy to get started. Wish me well...!

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    1. Anon,

      I do wish you well and your right on all your points you made. He should respect you all the time and I'm sure he does but if you start giving him what he needs (spanking) then he will learn to respect you even more or pay the price.

      And your right this won't make him any less of a man in fact it will make him a better man again because your filling his need. Not sure why some people feel this need but it is very real to them.

      As far as position and implement's go you both need to discuss what he's looking for. For example purely discipline or more like foreplay. If he wants discipline like I give Bob then you should use a paddle or wood hairbrush or leather belt. More for play use your hand or any of the others lightly. And position bent over or laying on a bed or even over the knee if its comfortable for you.

      Any questions please email me and I'll answer anything I can.

      Dianne

      Delete
  26. I suppose I've selected an unbelievable and interesting blog. Visit Candle Secure Storage

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Norman,

      Not sure what your wanting me to see?

      Delete
  27. I just came upon your blog and would like to thank you very much and to encourage you to keep it going. Unfortunately, my relationship with my wife will never be like you and Bob but I enjoy reading the different stories and am a little envious of Bob.

    The Mistress/slave stuff is fine for a minority of people but it is not for the majority in the real world. However, the type of discipline that you practice could be applied to any relationship where both parties are willing. I suspect that many men would accept a Female Led Relationship to varying degrees and that the world would be a better place as a result. However, not many women seem to be keen on the idea, probably because they are not aware of the rewards that they could get from it. That is one reason why a sensible blog such as yours is so important and hopefully more women will come to realize the power that is within their grasp.

    I have not read all of the stories and comments yet so apologies if this has been covered already. The punishment methods you have mentioned are interesting and I am sure, very effective but do you ever use the removal of privileges such as not being allowed to have access to money in order to punish Bob?

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    1. Anon,

      First of all welcome to the blog and I do agree most relationships could benefit from this lifestyle as long as both partners are willing. That was my main reason for starting the blog was to hopefully help others to understand what it took me so long to.

      As far as your question goes at times I've removed some privileges depending on the punishment. But as far as withholding money I've never done that. Bob works very hard and works a lot of overtime and is really not a wasteful spender so that really isn't necessary. And we always discuss any big purchases with each other before spending a lot of money.

      Dianne

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  28. Dianne, quite a bit to absorb here, but over all I think you are on track. Like you said, this lifestyle may no be for everyone but I feel it is surely on the rise for several reasons.

    Overall I think that western societies are becoming more Female Centric, with women increasingly powerful and confident at calling the shots. This seems to be occurring in both the business world and in personal relationships. As someone who has gone through the transition to a FML, i can tell you first hand that we now no longer have any power struggles, i know my place, and I strive to keep myself in line.

    One big difference that I see when women are in charge, verses the men in a relationship, is that women seem much better at explaining what they expect from there mate, and what the consequences of not following her rules will be.

    I would like to make one final comment on the subject of having other women watch the discipline process process first hand. I can tell you first hand that it is a very effective humiliation tool that brings amazing results, but it also has a secondary benefit, quite often the female witnesses are so impressed with the results, that they take their new found knowledge home to begin improving their own relationships.

    In closing, this is my summery, Women (yes with a capital) are rising in power, we as males are losing power, society will become more Female centric, Women will increasing make rules that they feel are proper, and increasingly they will teach us how to follow those rules, and we will be better off for it.
    Thank You, Gary

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    1. Gary,

      Very well put and thank you for your thoughts. I think your right as women entered the workplace we have gained more power and self confidence. But I also think it has to do with women just being more nurturing by nature than men.

      After all we carry the children and for the most part raise and nurture them so to do the same for your husband isn't that big of a leap. I don't think women are better than men but rather equals in a relationship. Each of us has our strengths and weaknesses so we cominent each other. But when it comes to running the household that's where we excell.

      The one thing about men is they do act childish at times and its those times us women can benefit by stepping in and putting a stop to that behavior. And I think your right it is becoming more common now it seems.

      Dianne

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  29. Dianne, thank You for Your kind words, I pretty much agree with you here. I do think the sexes do compliment each other, and if i had to make a choice, I would probably say the Female is superior, however most Women want to live in a comfortable home, but would much prefer that men lay the blocks, cut the lumber, and nail it all together, so i guess it balances out.
    I would like to make an interesting point here about Women gaining more power in western societies. A while back i was working with a friend that I sometimes employ who is from El Salvador, an interior designer that was at that job asked him what the biggest difference was as far as culture was between the US and his country. He said "in my country the man is the boss in the house, in this country, it is the Women that is the boss." Interesting....
    Dianne, I would also like you to know that I have done some writing on this subject, and would be happy to email you the link, I did not want to put it up here and promote myself.

    Thank You, Gary

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    1. Gary,

      I like to think as men and women as equals like I said we each have our strengths and weaknesses. Men are stronger and good to have for projects that take strength. It's also good to share opinions with each other. As a said women are more nurturing by nature but I don't think that makes us superior. We're maybe just able to approach things a little different because of this and better at solving problems without losing our temper as much or acting childish when things don't go our way.

      Dianne

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    2. Dianne, i do basically agree with you, perhaps my last comment did not sound the way i meant it to. Thanks, Gary

      Delete
    3. Gary,

      No problem and I didn't take any offense to your comment. I do understand that we agree on many things. The only point I was trying to make was that I don't personally feel like women are superior to men as you had stated.

      But yes I do agree that women are becoming more and more involved with running things in the western society. And I to think that will continue to increase as time goes on.

      Dianne

      Delete
  30. have you ever used diapers as a punishment for him?

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    1. Anon,

      Yes I have on a couple of different occasions when I felt he was being really childish. Very effective humiliation. Keep reading the blog and you can read about them.

      Dianne

      Delete
  31. do you always keep a bag handy in the house? or do you go out & buy them when needed? I'm thinking that by simply having them in the house would be embarrassing

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    1. I've only had to use them twice and yes I did have enough left over from the first time to use the second time. I kept them in my closet with my strap and paddles.

      Delete
  32. I'm so happy to find like minded wife in charge people. My wife only punishes me when I deserve it. The punishment I received yesterday was deserved. I was being childish and cheeky. I didn't make any comment about housework being woman's work, I just didn't do my share of the housework when I was supposed to. She sat me down first and explained calmly why I was going to be punished. My wife doesn't enjoy punishing me. She does it for my own good. We have in all other aspects a normal loving relationship. After 10 years of marriage we haven't stopped kissing and cuddling. I love it when we just sit on the couch and hold each other while watching TV. I love my wife and she loves me. Both of us have never been happier.
    Paul

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    1. Paul,

      Thanks for the comment and it's always nice to hear of other couples who practice this lifestyle. You just described our relationship to a tee as well. I only punish him when needed as well and the results have been amazing as well as brought us closer together.

      We've been married for just over 25 years and are still very much in love.

      Dianne

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  33. My wife began spanking me about a year ago. that was after she decided I should wear panties every day. The panties were ok. She spanks me every two weeks. Not severe. Just enough to make my hiney very red and me very horny. Only recently did I learn that on several occasions she had a girl friend slip in to watch while I was in panties bent over a table being spanked.

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  34. Anon,

    You make it sound like your spankings are more for pleasure and even admit you don't mind wearing panties.

    With Bob all punishments are just that and are not something to be enjoyed.

    Dianne

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    1. The spankings have been pleasurable up to about two weeks ago. Now she's a lot more serious
      I am used to the panties but I don't like them. It is embarrassing and I worry somebody will see them. My wife has fun telling me she may let a friend see them or make me wear panties to the doctor

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  35. My husband needs to be spanked and I am happy to get the hairbrush and turn his cheeks bright red. I find it easier if he's over a chair. I can stand up and really tan his butt. Usually it's private but if he's been miserable to me, I'll always have Carol from across the street come in once we have started. His embarrassment being spanked in front of another woman is great. Then he gets corner time

    ReplyDelete